Thursday, March 25, 2010
My VBA2C...I CAN and I DID!!!
I guess my story starts six years ago with the birth of my son. My pregnancy went very smooth as a matter a fact I LOVED being pregnant. I loved that special bond that started inside the womb with a mother and her baby. I always knew I wanted to be a mama so this was one of my dreams coming true.. even if I was 19. I tried to prepare for the birth of my first child as much as I knew how to ..I took my birthing classes at the hospital, I took my breast feeding classes, and I read the main stream books such as "What to expect when expecting" (and of course I skipped over the c-section part of the book...that would never happen to me I am a young healthy women right?) So the BIG day came and I was overcome with emotions...I was scarred and excited at the same time. While waiting for my mama to come home and bring me to the hospital I got ready..I took a bath(only to make sure my legs were shaved of course it was November so I tend to go long periods of time without shaving) and I got my bags ready...We left for the hospital (cause I thought that's what I was suppose to do) at 4:00 only to find that I was a whopping 1cm. They wanted to send me home but after close monitoring they decided to admit me due to irregular heart rate in the baby, I remember being so thankful that I was going to be able to stay at the hospital (what can I say I was a 19 year old mama to be and scarred out of my mind of labor)...I labored for 23hours and got to 10cm with the help of pitocin,sleeping pills, and an epidural... It was around midnight when I started pushing... and I pushed, and I pushed, and I pushed...but still no baby. I pushed for two hours and they told me he wasn't coming out...I remember the pressure I felt to try to push harder when they mentioned a c-section, but they finally told me to call it quits when another doctor came in and told me that it just wasn't happening...and I quote "maybe it would have happened back in the day when women were men but I just don't see it happening today".. how dare he judge me and my abilities to birth a baby...I felt like I didn't get a fair chance I wasn't offered to try different pushing positions (not that there is a lot of options with an epidural but I was given no other options, and I just listened to the doctor blindly. I started crying out of fear of what was about to happen and continued to cry in the O.R. while I waited for my husband. I remember a nurse asking me why I was crying she said I was in safe hands and I would be holding my baby very soon...but I guess her soon and my soon were very different I wasn't able to hold or nurse my baby until an hour after I delivered... It killed me that I wasn't the first to hold or see my baby...All I could see was this blue tarp that shielded my stomach and all I could hear was my baby crying for his mother...was he ok, did he have all his fingers and toes, are they handling him with gentle hands. Although only a few feet away from my new baby the distance between us seemed like worlds away.
Our son Richard Daniel was 21in long and 8lbs 10oz
I always knew I wanted to have more than one child especially after being an only child I always wanted a big family...I always loved visiting my mother's side of the family (she's one of six)...I loved the chaos of the big family atmosphere, and I knew I always wanted that. So after a few months of hounding my husband to have at least one more child we started to try for our second blessing when my son turned one. It took three months of trying but finally we were blessed by the grace of God again and we were just full of joy! I was determined to try again for a vaginal birth so I switched doctors and found a midwife and a beautiful birthing center..which I was sure would get me my VBAC that I wanted. So again the day came but of course it wasn't the ideal time, I started contractions at about two in the morning. I remember being a little bummed at the timing because we were planning on bringing our son to see Thomas the train at a train yard (the tickets were bought months in advance)...and our daughter wasn't due for another week... OH well this was our BIG day and so I let my husband sleep while I watched a movie (Tommy Boy) and tried to focus on my contractions. I finally woke my hubby up to tell him it was time at about 6:00am and off to the birthing center we went. I was found to be 3cm and was welcomed to a beautiful birthing room...I felt so at ease in this atmosphere so much better that the hospital...I was able to walk around and try to find my groove. Then the OB came in ....just my luck my midwife wasn't on call ( The mistake I made here was thinking that a midwife in an OB practice would be up for a VBAC) so that's when things went down hill. I labored until about noon time when the doctor came in and said lets try to get things moving a little quicker can I break your waters and at the same time we can also start pitocin to stimulate stronger contractions (another mistake was having all of these interventions when I really didn't need them...all I needed was time)...and boy was he right the contractions were very strong and shortly after I was offered an epidural. I labored like this until about 3:00 that afternoon when the OB came in to check me and I was 6 cm, an hour later I was checked again and was still 6cm...that OB must have had a big night planned because after he checked me he declared that I was a failure to progress patient, and his reasoning was because my daughter was in a posterior position and my pelvic bone couldn't fit her through which was why she wasn't descending. So off to my second c-section again.
Caila Eleanor was 7lbs 6oz and 21in long
After my daughter was born my husband "thought" he was done having children despite his knowledge that I wanted more children. So after two years of begging I finally came to terms that we must be done having children because My hubby wasn't budging so as therapy I had a HUGE baby tag sale thinking that would help me come to terms that we were complete as a family of four. Then when our daughter turned three (only four months after my huge tag sale) My husband declared that he not only wanted to try again for another baby but he wanted two more close together like our first two. So we tryed for almost a year and to add to the stress we were also looking to buy a house. It's funny how the Lord works because when it was our time it all happened at the same time. We found our dream home and a week after signing the Purchase and sales agreement we learned that we were finally pregnant as well. So I again started my quest for a VBAC friendly OB/midwife at this point I would take anyone who would help me. I called around and found one we met with her and she told me risks but also didn't say I couldn't do it so I thought I was all set. Until our first ultrasound found that I had Placenta previa and at that point she said that it was the writing on the wall that I wasn't meant to have a VBAC and I should schedule a c-section because I couldn't go past 38 weeks. My placenta privia did end up moving and I was out of danger but I was still unsure of my VBAC decision it seemed like the odds were so against me and I really didn't feel like I had the support I would need. I talked to my OB and asked if I could just start labor on my own I wanted the baby to come when he was ready, and she agreed. It was always something that was in the back of my mind though.. Until I was eight and a half months pregnant I finally brought it to my husbands attention that I still wanted a VBA2C, and right away he was my support system. I found a doula I absolutely fell in love with she was so sweet and you could tell she was passionate about her work because she was already helping me before we even decided to work with her she referred me to another practice that was all midwives. So I got an appointment with them right away (mind you I was 36week pregnant when I switched practices)...that was really funny too because they would ask me how far along I was and then they would ask again just to make sure they were hearing me correctly. That week I also had my last ultrasound with my original OB to see "how big" the baby was. when we saw the Ob we had planned to tell her that we were hoping for a VBA2C...we did this purely for entertainment for ourselves we had already made up our mind that we were moving over to the midwives. What was her reaction you ask....entertaining to say the least she got very uptight and tense and when I mentioned that we had a doula her tone changed again it was funny...it gave hubby and I a good laugh. So the following week we met with one of the midwives and I fell in love with her right away...she really talked to me.. she didn't probe and poke at me ( I was amazed that she wasen't going to check me like at the other appointments. The appointment was an hour long...a big difference from 15 min in and out appointments like at the other practices...you know the appointments when you go in pee in a cup get weighted they listen to the babies heartbeat and check you to see how far dilated you are and out you go....I sort of felt like a fast food joint where they want you in and out, so they can move onto the next customer. Later that week we signed on with our Doula and it just so happened that she was also running a natural childbirth class that was two Sundays long and starting that Sunday. So we went to those classes and they really empowered us with knowledge... I was also a youtube birth video addict and I was also reading every birthing book I could get my hands on especially anything my Ina May her books and work were so inspiring to me what an amazing women. I also gained a lot of confidence from Ricky Lake's movie "The business of being born" I would watch it over and over again on Netflix. So those two weeks went by and we finished our last Sunday class feeling very confident that we were making the right choices....well we were put to the test the following Sunday when I started contractions. They started around 10:00pm right as I was getting ready for bed, so I tried not to get excited and I just laid down and tried to sleep. I dozed in and out until about 2:00am when I felt like I didn't want to lay down anymore so I got up and made something to eat I didn't want to be hungry during active labor.. I then laid down on the couch to try to get some more rest and last lasted until about 6:00am and then I woke up hubby. He started setting the mood in the house with candles and a fire in the fireplace we called our doula around 7:00 just to update her....and then called her around 9:00 for some extra company. We stayed at home until my contractions were about 3 min apart I decided to go in because I didn't want the car ride to be unbearable. When we got there I had to have an iv hep lock put in because I was a VBAC patient and I also had to have the fetal monitors on which I was also aware of. I was so happy to find out that my midwife was the same one that I had met the week before...I was then checked and I was 5 cm. I really felt in control of my contractions...until I was about 7cm my midwife mentioned that I could go in the birthing tub to try to ease the feeling of the contractions....Big mistake for me...It always looked so glamorous and calming on the youtube videos but for me it was a tourer tub... I felt out of control like I couldn't get a handle on anything and it didn't help that this tub was made for KING KONG and not for a five foot one inch women. SO I stayed in there for an hour or so and that did nothing for me but slow down my contractions although I was found to be 8 cm... I decided to head back to the room and that's when I fell apart...you know that "wall" that everyone talks about well it's real and boy did I hit it hard between 8 and 9 cm. I started mentioning drugs and wanted to quit.. I was done...why didn't anyone understand that... I was talking but nobody listened. Finally the doctor came in..."yes he will give me drugs" SO I asked him and he just flat out said NO...can you believe it he basically said no and that if I got drugs that would mean I was giving up and I wanted a c-section right then and there...and that was the end of that conversation. So I was checked again despite my protesting efforts (I didn't want to be disappointed and it was such a pain to be checke so many times) and I found to be between 9 and 10 cm with only alittle lip in the way...so my midwife mentioned that she was going to assist me in getting this lip out of the way...I started to push and she would try to move the lip, this finally felt good.. uncomfortable but it really felt good to push. I pushed for about an hour and had to breath through a couple of contractions to give the baby a rest because his heart rate was high. We welcome our baby Jameson Sean into the world at 9:36pm on March 15th 2010. He was 7lbs 4oz and 20 in long....just 2 oz less than Caila, oh and he was also a posterior baby (sunny side up)
We are all home now and just enjoying life together as a family of 5...I'd say we're enjoying it a little to much my doula called it cocooning because I don't care to talk to anyone...I just want to enjoy our special time together as a family without pesty visitors. (people in today's world just don't understand that)
Well that is my VBA2C story and I hope it can empower another women out there to believe in their body...because it is such a rush... the feeling of giving birth is so empowering. I heard this saying once and was running it through my head when I was in labor...
"A women in labor really doesn't need to be rescued. It's not the place for the knight in shinning armor. It's the place for her to face her darkest moments. So she can lay claim to her victory after she has given birth."
Jameson's first picture...
Here are a couple of pictures of Jameson...and the first picture is one of our Doula holding our son...she's such a beautiful person...she was my guardian of safety and a witness to my birthing process....